A Letter to Barack

Dear Sen. Obama:

I am writing to you as a liberal religious leader, personally committed to the values you have so brilliantly represented in the public square, and as a black woman who is grateful that I am alive at a time when a black man has a real chance to become President of the United States. I’m proud to share with you the additional identity of Chicagoan; you once represented as a state senator the district in which my mother and much of the rest of my family still live. I’m also the mother of two sons who hang on your every word; my husband and I cannot get them to bed on primary nights until you have spoken.

I mention my sons, ages 11 and 14, because they watched, along with their father and I, your appearance on The Hardball College Tour this evening. So I saw the shock and heard the disappointment in their voices after a member of the audience asked “Do you support gay marriage?” and they heard your response. You answered that you did not; that you supported civil unions and that you sought to equalize those unions on the federal level so that lesbian and gay people would have the same rights under the law that those of us who are straight can take for granted. My kids started booing as you spoke. “Mom, that’s messed up!” my son Daniel said. And my stomach started to hurt.

You and I are both people of faith, Senator, and I am a minister in what may be the only religious community more progressive than your own–Unitarian Universalism. My husband and I are raising our children in this liberal religious tradition, and they were shocked to hear that someone they so admire, and who articulates so many of the ideals they believe, could be willing to deny the benefits and blessings of marriage to lesbian and gay people.

Some part of me believes this stance is a strategic move on your part, a middle-of-the-road gesture meant to assuage the GLBT community and those of us who consider ourselves allies in their struggle for full citizenship, without alienating the more conservative crossover voters that you will need to be elected President. I also have to believe that your opinion on this issue also has been influenced by a Biblical perspective that would seem to preclude marriage as a viable option for same-sex couples. Attempting to address the issue of marriage equality, while you still have so far to go, is a risky venture. But I urge you to continue prayerful reflection about what it means–not only to GLBT people, but to their families and their allies–to create two categories for what is meant to be the most sacred relationship between two people.

If the state is meant to be involved in marriage at all, then it seems only right in a democracy like ours that all the rules of justice and equity should apply to this relationship, regardless of our individual or collective religious beliefs about who should marry. The feelings of religious communities, though worthy of consideration, cannot be definitive about a person’s civil rights. Many denominations, for example, don’t believe in divorce, yet states have clear procedures for the ending of a marriage. And there is no reason to privilege religious communities that oppose marriage equality over religious communities like Unitarian Universalists, which support marriage equality. Indeed, I often feel that I am restricted in practicing my faith as well as my calling when I cannot marry two people who love each other. It is, in the view of my religious community, a simple matter of civil rights–one reason that seven of the 14 plaintiffs in the case that brought marriage equality to Massachusetts were Unitarian Universalists.

I know all too well that other religious communities have used tradition and Scripture to proscribe the lives and futures of GBLT people. But I invite you to consider that even Scripture contains passages which suggest that old ideas about what God is said to require are subject to change. When I think about this issue, I reflect on The Book of Acts, Chapter 10, in which a Gentile named Cornelius wishes to be baptized, at a time when it was forbidden for Jews and Gentiles to have contact with one another. The apostle Peter has a dream “in which all manner of four-footed creatures and reptiles and birds of the air” descended from heaven on a large cloth, and God told him to “Get up, Peter, kill and eat.” Peter, you may recall, declined, saying that he had never eaten anything profane or unclean. It was then that the voice of God said to him: “What God has made clean, you must not call profane.” From that dream, Peter realizes that Gentiles are meant to be welcomed into God’s family, and he baptizes Cornelius.

Even if I had never read this passage in Scripture, however, I would have been persuaded of the need for marriage equality as a result of my congregational ministry. For seven years now, I have been pastor of a mid-size congregation in Manhattan with lesbian and gay members. There is only one difference between their lives and our lives–and it can be found in the constant complication, uncertainty and fear in which they must fashion relationships and families. I do not know how many straight couples would be capable of withstanding the additional stress and disrespect that lesbian and gay couples endure and still maintain a relationship. It’s my belief that no couple should have to find out.

My husband and I have been together for 34 years–24 of those years as husband and wife, and I can say without question that being married is different than not being married. It is the public, sacred commitment that marriage demands of its participants, a commitment supported by society and culture, that helps to shape and change those of us who enter into that union. Civil unions cannot and will not do that, and lesbian and gay people should not have to settle for a cheap imitation of a relationship that makes such a difference in human life.

My world is filled with gay and lesbian family and friends. They matter to me; their happiness and well being is important to me, to my husband and to my children. That’s why my sons booed when you said what you did this evening. Your suggested half-measure violates not only their religious sensibilities, but the sense of justice and fairness that draws them to your candidacy.

My younger son looked at me when the show was over and asked me, “Mom, are you still going to vote for Obama?”

Yes, if I get the chance, I will be voting for you. But I will also be working hard to make sure that the promise of America–a promise you speak of with great beauty and eloquence–will one day extend to everyone, no matter whom they choose to love. It is my prayer that, as you move ahead, you will one day do the same.

With every good wish,

The Rev. Rosemary Bray McNatt

4 Responses to “A Letter to Barack”

1. mskitty says:

   April 3, 2008 at 1:19 pm

   Well said, Rose. I too think he is speaking (on this issue) out of his need to placate the frothy-lipped right and think that he has gotten about as courageous as he can afford to be on this issue—for now. I hope (and expect) that he will soften his stance if/when he is elected. It might take awhile, of course.
2. lizardeater says:

   April 4, 2008 at 4:58 pm

   As usual, you’re putting my thoughts into words. My 11 year old son was listening, too. He is a huge Obama fan (in fact, he’s decided to go into politics because of him) and he turned to me, his face scrunched up, confused. He couldn’t reconcile those words coming from Obama’s mouth.
3. ndm says:

   April 5, 2008 at 10:38 pm

   Eloquent, thoughtful, and well said. How refreshing to read an intelligent, compassionate response to a political leader.
4. pskarl3 says:

   July 10, 2008 at 4:58 am

   Beautiful letter to Obama, Rosemary. I am also a huge Obama fan–went to the United for Change events recently. This is the second thing I have to admit that has concerned me–this issue of marriage equality being the biggest.

   I heard today that Obama voted for dr. fees for Medicare to be lessened and I’m afraid that what this will mean is that poor seniors will find that more of their doctors are not accepting Medicare. Yet I know that this measure passed and with a bi-partisan effort.

   I am thinking about Obama’s words about advocating civil union but not marriage equality and contrasting his stand with an interview I heard with Gov. Patterson who was advocating acceptance in NY of gay and lesbian marriages from other states. He went on to say that this policy recognizes the laws of other states and does not oppose any NY laws but he had the courage to advocate this shortly after taking office. Then he went on to say that he is personally in favor of marriage equality and that he thinks it should happen but that was not what he was proposing at this particular time. I really admire how he stands up for his convictions. I only hope and pray with Rosemary and others who have commented that Obama will open up his heart and change his stance. I too will vote and work hard for him but want to weigh in on my hopes and concerns.